“Fake It Til You Make It.” Have you ever heard that before? I used to think I was independent and could handle anything. Now as a Mama Bear of 2 young kids, I’m starting to think that might’ve been an act.
The last several months have been challenging for me emotionally in ways I didn’t see coming. If you’ve been following along, I’m sure you’ve noticed. I’m trying to find my voice, theme, style, as a blogger. I’m trying to make it as a mom. I’m reading different parenting books but I can’t finish any of them because, hello, 2 kids, and I’m trying to find my style of parenting while being overwhelmed by my little blessings. It’s exhausting and I realized today I kind of feel like a fraud.
In my other account on Instagram where I post blog updates, I share lots of good parenting advice that I agree with and try to wholeheartedly put into practice, but it’s not my content, it’s someone else’s. They get the credit of course but I think to myself “why would someone want to follow me if they can just follow them?!”
I feel passionate about building my village and I’m working hard (too hard?) to make the Mothers Ministry at my church be the light in the dark for mothers, but sometimes we have weeks when only one person comes and that’s so discouraging. Can I call myself a village builder if no one joins me for the journey?
I wanna be an encourager but I’ve gotta know the true Encourager.
I wanna be the woman who is clothed in strength and dignity and who laughs without fear of the future. But mostly, truthfully, I’m a hot mess. There’s one thing that’s been so valuable to me in my life and that’s women who speak truth to me. Pointing me back to the Jesus of the Bible.
I want to be that for others, but I can’t fake it! We need to know the truth before we can share it. My identity is found in Christ, He is the giver of life and all good things. I know that and I believe that and out of that overflow from my heart THEN I can speak truth.
Getting back into regular devotional time is HARD and I’ve believed the “give yourself grace, you have two small kids” lie for too long. I’m not the giver of grace, He is. I can give it because I’ve BEEN given it, but it’s from His fullness that we have received grace!
When I say my identity is in Christ I mean I am not:
- A stay at home mom.
- A wife.
- A church volunteer.
- A ministry leader.
- A neighbor.
- A friend.
- A diaper changer.
- A grocery shopper.
- A meal prepper.
- A dish washer.
- A laundry folder.
- A daughter.
- A sister.
- A Republican.
- A Democrat.
I am a daughter of the King, the Risen Son of the Living God. I am His. My job description is to glorify Him in all I do. The “all I do” is secondary. It happens to be where He has me right now, stay at home mom of two kids, but being a good stay at home mom or raising my kids to do a certain thing is not my IDENTITY nor should it be my goal. Glorifying God is. I’m not responsible for my children’s faith: the Holy Spirit is the one who does the work in their hearts to move them to make a decision to be faithful followers of Him. I am responsible to glorify Him through disciple making (the Great Commission).
It doesn’t feel so fraudulent when I realize the rest of that stuff in the beginning isn’t Priority 1: It’s a distant second.
I still want to be a successful blogger. I still want to be a good mom, wife, daughter, neighbor, sister, friend, aunt, niece, in-law. But mostly, I truly want to return to finding and seeking joy in Jesus no matter what.
He is worthy. He is enough.