“There are a lot of reasons to wear a mask, even if you hate it.” Eighteen months in, and still having these hard discussions with people. I think the frustration I feel is due to the inconsistency in messaging. When I take a step back and reevaluate, I feel frustrated by my own lack of control, and lately, the feeling that my safety net has betrayed our highest calling in the interest of a divisive political issue.

Depression. Anxiety. Cancer. ER visits. Miscarriage. More depression. Flu. Norovirus. Colds. Poop. Car accidents. Moving. Friends moving. Aging parents. Aging grandparents. Death. Feuds. Discord. Jealousy. Broken fellowship. Betrayal. More depression. Another pregnancy loss…

Back in the fall, we made the unpopular decision to bring our two children, then 1 and 3, to a funeral. I say unpopular because none of us were really sure about how my older one would do with seeing an open casket, not remembering she’d met her before, and then seeing a lot of relatives and adults crying.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. The statistics show 1 in 4 women have experienced this type of loss. It is painful, humiliating, depressing, lonely, scary, sad, dark. I am 1 in 4, so I can speak from experience. I’m grateful to God for His many blessings, but I want to take this opportunity to remember our Bean. I’ve written previously about miscarriage and grief, so these aren’t new thoughts here today, but October has been a particularly tough month for me.