“Fake It Til You Make It.” Have you ever heard that before? I used to think I was independent and could handle anything. Now as a Mama Bear of 2 young kids, I’m starting to think that might’ve been an act.

The last several months have been challenging for me emotionally in ways I didn’t see coming. If you’ve been following along, I’m sure you’ve noticed. I’m trying to find my voice, theme, style, as a blogger. I’m trying to make it as a mom. I’m reading different parenting books but I can’t finish any of them because, hello, 2 kids, and I’m trying to find my style of parenting while being overwhelmed by my little blessings. It’s exhausting and I realized today I kind of feel like a fraud.

Do you have a community? They don’t all have to be exactly like you (in fact I find it’s richer when they’re not), but do you have a village?

I ask because I know what it’s like to live in a different town, far from family and have to raise kids without help, with sometimes tense relations, at a church I didn’t grow up attending, with only half of my family supporting our spiritual beliefs or parenting styles. Some of our family doesn’t even talk to us.

Can you believe that? I can, because it’s real life! It sucks and it’s messy sometimes, and no I don’t always handle it well. But since not everyone knows what it’s like, I’ve found it to be helpful as I work hard to “build my village” when people can relate to some of our story. I know how valuable a check-in here and there from a well-meaning friend can be, no matter how involved or connected we might seem.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. The statistics show 1 in 4 women have experienced this type of loss. It is painful, humiliating, depressing, lonely, scary, sad, dark. I am 1 in 4, so I can speak from experience. I’m grateful to God for His many blessings, but I want to take this opportunity to remember our Bean. I’ve written previously about miscarriage and grief, so these aren’t new thoughts here today, but October has been a particularly tough month for me.

Y’ALL — Amazon is life. Listen, I know I talk about it a lot, and in a dream world my love of Amazon would become your love of Amazon and thus earn me a few pennies every month (full Disclosures page here), but really: Amazon is so convenient. How did I live without it? I have tons of wishlists and shopping lists and gift idea lists, but I recently discovered Amazon Idea Lists! It is now possible for me to share all the wonderful things I want with you without having to share a bunch of links at once. Game. Changing.