“Fake It Til You Make It.” Have you ever heard that before? I used to think I was independent and could handle anything. Now as a Mama Bear of 2 young kids, I’m starting to think that might’ve been an act.

The last several months have been challenging for me emotionally in ways I didn’t see coming. If you’ve been following along, I’m sure you’ve noticed. I’m trying to find my voice, theme, style, as a blogger. I’m trying to make it as a mom. I’m reading different parenting books but I can’t finish any of them because, hello, 2 kids, and I’m trying to find my style of parenting while being overwhelmed by my little blessings. It’s exhausting and I realized today I kind of feel like a fraud.

Do you have a community? They don’t all have to be exactly like you (in fact I find it’s richer when they’re not), but do you have a village?

I ask because I know what it’s like to live in a different town, far from family and have to raise kids without help, with sometimes tense relations, at a church I didn’t grow up attending, with only half of my family supporting our spiritual beliefs or parenting styles. Some of our family doesn’t even talk to us.

Can you believe that? I can, because it’s real life! It sucks and it’s messy sometimes, and no I don’t always handle it well. But since not everyone knows what it’s like, I’ve found it to be helpful as I work hard to “build my village” when people can relate to some of our story. I know how valuable a check-in here and there from a well-meaning friend can be, no matter how involved or connected we might seem.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. The statistics show 1 in 4 women have experienced this type of loss. It is painful, humiliating, depressing, lonely, scary, sad, dark. I am 1 in 4, so I can speak from experience. I’m grateful to God for His many blessings, but I want to take this opportunity to remember our Bean. I’ve written previously about miscarriage and grief, so these aren’t new thoughts here today, but October has been a particularly tough month for me.

I’ve been struggling with the burdens of friendship recently. I believe passionately in community. If you follow me on any platform, you might’ve noticed. I started this blog, a Mothers Ministry, and a neighborhood Bible Study to help encourage women and build community for myself and others. I feel strongly that we need a village, a solid reliable community, to do this earthly life.

Yet I am learning the hard way when you’re far from family in a new area, sometimes you have to build your own village. I want to be obedient to the call to build community for women, particularly mothers, and be an encourager as the Holy Spirit leads me.

My husband and I have been involved at our church for 10 years, and a year ago we began hosting a weekly small group. It’s been good for us because we’ve been able to get to know new people and make new friends. We’ve been helped by our group and we’ve been able to help others.

But, still, people are messy. And when you deal with messy people, life can get messy, too. Hence, burdens!