The other night I had dinner with the sweetest couple whose son was stillborn in August. Their desire to show compassion to others, their new outlook on life in spite of their grief, and their growing love for each other were inspiring. My heart was heavy, yet full. I cried when I stood in his nursery, complete but never used for its intended purpose.
They are living my nightmare, yet they are more than surviving. They are healing, at their exact right pace, and they are doing it with grace. I intended to bless them with a meal and friendship, and in their tragedy, they ministered to me. Grief is funny that way.
After the birth of our first in 2015, I got hit by an unexpected bout of postpartum anxiety and baby blues. I was lonely, but nervous to reach out. I wanted help, but I didn’t know how to ask for it. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. I was in pain, but couldn’t fix it. I loved my baby, but I dreaded feeding her. It was so hard, and so unexpected because she was our rainbow baby who I had waited my entire life for: motherhood was my calling! I was completely derailed by these emotions and hormones, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I felt like I had no control. I clung to Scripture, my husband, and my baby, and told very few people how I felt. I said no to well-meaning friends and visitors because I was embarrassed by how I looked and felt.
I’m Caitlin, mom of two girls, wife to the most patient man on Earth — thank you, Jesus! I’m from upstate NY, but now we live in NC. In addition to being a stay at home mom, I’m an avid DIY crafter, lover of all things baby, and I’ve been involved in the children’s ministry at our church for the last several years. I have a passion for mothers and the journey we all go through. Thanks for joining me on my mission of motherhood!